Posted 8 months ago

It’s funny, the things that pass you by.

I’ve been looking for work since I graduated uni last May, same as a lot of people really. The thing is I’ve been temping, when there’s jobs to be had, but for the most part I’ve been searching and applying. I didn’t realize until about a month ago that maybe I could have been auditioning this whole time as well, that maybe I shouldn’t have given up on acting. 

Now that I’m coming up on a year though I’m looking at a steady decline into multiple part time jobs just to be able to move out and get myself into a healthier living situation. 

It’s a bit sad, and a bit ironic. In a way it really does show the lesson that if you really want something you should pursue it relentlessly. At the same time though growing up not being allowed to pursue specific fields of interest I lost a bit of that myself and adopted it in a way that I seem to only be able to help others in that regard. 

I have my own dreams and goals, and I’m working towards them, but I’m having to stop and unlearn things I picked up along the way.

I’ll get there, I know that, but it’s definitely not an easy path.

Guess it’s a good thing I’m one for taking on a challenge.

Posted 11 months ago

This is no way of living.

There must be kindness somewhere,

A place that lacks hatred.

Let me just flee to it’s gates,

Scream my throat raw with blood at the sight,

Expire upon its threshold.

For it will be proof that this is not Hell,

But infected by hatred,

I will never gain entry.

Posted 1 year ago

I should be asleep.

just occurred to me how ironic it is that almost everyone, at least in my family, thinks I can’t keep a secret.

Laughing forever into the distance. I have two modes, mode one being “here let me talk and be honest and tell you things!” and mode two “here let me talk or not talk but be honest and let’s just ignore these items that you aren’t even aware exist.”

Posted 1 year ago
flyingpurplepostalbear:

And where I shall walk you will fear to tread and so shall I but I will go because I must because I am driven to by my very soul. I hope to see you at my destination. Though I know not where it will be.

flyingpurplepostalbear:

And where I shall walk you will fear to tread and so shall I but I will go because I must because I am driven to by my very soul. I hope to see you at my destination. Though I know not where it will be.

Posted 1 year ago

enenkay:

shortformblog:

politicalprof:

jeffmiller:

This is the secret to life.

Politicalprof: David Foster Wallace explains it all to you. Listen.

There is no way to overstate how much we recommend taking 10 minutes to watch this video. 

I’m really glad I watched this, and I think people have nothing to lose and all the more to gain from doing the same.

not the secret to life, not some great and unheard of train of thought, but it is a truth and if you have the time it’s an interesting watch.

Posted 1 year ago
Posted 1 year ago

Sorta Okay.

So an… incident, yeah let’s call it that, occurred today that I REALLY want to spill all over the internet. I won’t though because I can be the better person in this. I mean, how hard can it be? I already am the better person…

Now I just have to keep telling myself that until I don’t feel like I’m lying.

Sometimes I just don’t get why people do the things that they do. That’s okay though, I mean, I already know that I probably never will. And that’s okay, because really? Why would I want to understand someone who would say something like that about someone else un-antagonized and without the decency of doing it to my face.

…yeah. 

My mom and sister have been really awesome about it for me though. so, at least not all family has to be a bomb. :)

Posted 1 year ago
Posted 1 year ago

Exception to the rule.

I didn’t have allergies until I was in 8th grade. I remember this vividly because the first year I got them, in spring of 8th grade, they hit and they hit hard. My parents were actually worried about what I was sick with to the extent that I could not go on the civics field trip to Philadelphia. No, instead of seeing the Liberty Bell and eating philly cheesesteak, I was at home using what felt like a tissue box per hour.

For awhile the doctor had me trying different medicines, trying to find a combination that would give me relief from my severe symptoms. We found one and everything seemed to go relatively well.

Or so I thought.

Apparently I had not even noticed the effect the medicine was having on me. I would get up, take a pill before heading to school and when I came home I would go into my room and take a nap. That nap would last until dinner time and then I would go eat, maybe do some homework, shower, and go back to sleep.

I was not a person to take naps, so this springtime habit was not natural and I was so affected by the medicine I was taking, that I didn’t even realize that it made me drowsy and pass out as soon as I got home from school. (My dad informed me of the habit after years of taking the medicine.)

The last time (the first time this year) I took the medicine was a week ago. And I felt like sleeping the entire time despite having gotten a solid night’s sleep. Thus began my quest to find a non-drowsy allergy medicine I could take.

This is what I found.

The medicine I was taking has only a 10% chance of causing drowsiness and it is not as severe in effect as other non-drowsy allergy medications.

I am the 10%.

Joy.

So my sleep filled days will continue, until I grow old and my allergies leave me once more.

Posted 1 year ago

Writer’s block?

Do you ever have an idea? Say for a story. And you can feel it inside you, eating you up, even when you aren’t sure what the story is. And you try to put pen to paper, to bring the words that are burning you to life, but you can’t. And it settles in and you can feel it constantly and all of the emotions of the story, every little thing that will effect your characters and the world they live in just weigh on your mind and heart.

This story’s been eating at me for a couple of days now. And I really hope that it either lets itself be written soon or else goes away, because I am so incredibly sad. It hurts so much, and I have no idea why, and my hands are practically itching to write down a story but nothing will come.

I don’t need to have ever been in a relationship to have lost someone, I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like.